Gen

blogsecret:

You let me down time and time again. I always forgave you. You lied too much. You made me become an adult too young. I’m fighting now for what I’ve been lacking because of you. I always wanted your attention and the little bit that I got seemed like the world when I was little. You showed me off to everyone like I was your trophy and I’m sure it got you laid plenty of times. I was proof to you and everyone else that you weren’t a complete failure. Our lifestyle was horrible and at times we had no where to live because of your addiction. You made me feel like I owed you something for being alive and eating the food you brought home. I didn’t choose you, I didn’t have a choice. You were always so emotional and I could never figure you out. Anything could set you off. If you lost your keys, I was praying to god when you weren’t watching that they’d be found. One minute you loved me with everything you had, the next you were screaming at me for something that wasn’t even my fault. I was scared shitless of you. You always broke your promises and never cared. You never took me to see my brothers, you never called them. You weren’t there all the times that I needed you to be. You didn’t let me see my mum because of how she lived her life, yet you were just the same but better at hiding it. You beat the shit out of her and it’s probably because of you that her addiction got to the point that it did. I cleaned up after you from as young as I can remember and it wasn’t a question. You told me too many things I shouldn’t have known and you had too many secrets that shouldn’t have ever existed. You didn’t come to my graduation and I don’t regret not inviting you. I wouldn’t want you crying and feeling an ounce of pride over who I’ve become. I’m where I am now and who I am because I’m stronger than you. I don’t hate you and I honestly never could but I wish that you were someone that you’re not. I’m not sure what the future holds for me but I know it won’t be a disappointment. I don’t know if I’ll have kids but If I do I’ll be a really great mother. Maybe they won’t ever know who their grandfather is. What will I do when you get old and have nowhere to go? It’s too much to think about for now and I won’t worry about it but I’d be lying if I said the thought didn’t pass my mind every once in awhile. I’m here now with no regrets but it’s honestly lonely. I wish you were there. You’ll never be there and you’ll never be who I want you to be. I dream about you a lot lately and I don’t know what that means. I hope that you’re healthy and I hope you know that I love you regardless of everything.

this was realli touching who ever wrote this..u got alot of heart..stay strong..